The Holiday Season is Upon Us! Recovery Plans and Tips
Those of us in family recovery have a distinctive challenge that adds to our holiday preparations, planning, and stress.
The 2024 Holiday Season is upon us! No matter whether and what you celebrate, the season is enjoyable and stressful. The stress comes along with the disruption of our usual day-to-day routines and the added tasks related to the celebrations of the season. Odd isnโt it that the very enjoyment we crave and anticipate, one of the unique dynamics of the season, is that they happen once a year! During the holidays, we have celebrations with friends and family, prepare unique foods, and shop for and share gifts with the special folks in our lives. All the extra time involved in preparing for the season can wear us out, and then thereโs the gatherings themselves!
The Holiday Season is Upon Us
Those of us who are part of the recovery community have a distinctive challenge that adds to our holiday preparations, planning, and stress. Both family members and loved ones in recovery have thoughts and memories that might come back and haunt any reasonable positive anticipation. As an addictions counselor and the long-time facilitator of the Sanford Behavioral Health Family Program, I have heard it all. However, with gratitude, acceptance, peace, hope, planning, and some helpful tips, the haunts can become lasting positive memories for years to come!
Recovery Plans and Tips:
1. The BIG ONE – what if I relapse?
Many of us think, โHow am I going to follow my recovery plan when Iโve got all this stuff to do for the coming holidays?โ We often think of past holidays that were very unpleasant and disappointing due to previous using behaviors, and we sink into old emotions, confusion, and shame. We may also question how weโre going to afford all the extra expenses. Then comes the BIG ONE, “What if I have a lapse (relapse) over the holidays?โ
What to do:
Remember, this is a Red Flag. When red flags wave, call upon your support – contact your sponsor, accountability partner, recovery coach, therapist, or life partner, and share your anxiety and feelings. You will experience relief as you speak. In fact, you might begin to experience sensations of gratitude for those special people in your life that you can share with honestly. You may have a history of unpleasant events, but look at what you have now!
Recovery Plans and Tips:
- YOU ARE NOT ALONE
- Manage your expectations of the coming holiday events.
- Donโt over-commit!
- Talk with folks in recovery and find out their concerns and how they handled them.
- Have a support plan for each holiday event.
- Keep in mind your sobriety comes first.
- Learn to recognize your triggers.
- Consider going to extra meetings for support.
- Practice mindfulness, meditation, or relaxation exercises to reduce stress.
- Pay it forward by lending a helping hand to others.
- Make sure to share your concerns with the close people in your life and problem-solve together!
2. My partner is new to recovery!
As the facilitator of the Sanford Family Program, I heard a universal story from the partner of a person in recovery after treatment at Sanford. The partner was looking at the calendar and realizing, โOh, my gosh, Halloween is over, and we have to start thinking about the holidays; we havenโt talked about how we want to handle things with extended family yet. I hope weโre ready for this!โ The extended family of this couple had not been informed of the big changes that had occurred during the year.
What to do:
The partner told me, โI remember how anxious I was about getting together with our parents last year and how my partner was going to behave when cocktails started. I used to dread that. โ This Family Program member was glad things were different but worried about relapse and how to talk about their partner’s recovery to family. They began to feel that “old stuck and powerless” sensation. The best thing to do in this situation is to talk to a support person or therapist and then talk to your partner. They probably have some challenging thoughts, too, and a combined strategy will relieve tension for both of you.
Recovery Plans and Tips:
- Allow for space, not distance or denial!
- Set time to talk regularly, undisturbed by phones, TV, or other distractions.
- Intentionally share gratitude with your partner about their sobriety and what you have accomplished together.
- Ask your partner how they want to celebrate and who they want to celebrate with.
- Perhaps start a new tradition for yourselves.
- Share how your needs differ from each other for the holidays.
- Share using assertive communication with โIโ statements.
3. How to compromise on RSVPs?
The holidays are filled with opportunities (triggers) to say “Yes” or “No.” A couple or family that shares will be in a clearer and better place to enjoy their holiday season. There will likely need to be compromise, and some activities may be attended alone by agreement. Each person will be able to acknowledge what they have learned through their recovery journeys. When loved ones feel and share gratitude, acceptance of the new NOW brings peace. Recovery is the gift no matter what holiday you celebrate! Remember the old saying, โThe present is NOW, thatโs why we call it a GIFTโ.
I also want to acknowledge that there are family members whose loved ones have yet to enter a solid recovery path. There are also those folks on a solid recovery path with family members who have yet to enter their recovery path. To everyone in the recovering family, I offer you hope.
Recovery Plans and Tips:
- Seeking support formally or informally to identify your behavior changes can influence and motivate change in the family.
- Learn about addiction and accept that addiction is a brain disease.
- Do not force any family member to attend a specific holiday event.
- Keep your mindset on reasonable expectations.
- Set boundaries around your behaviors in troublesome situations and share these boundaries with family members.
- Double down on your self-care during the toughest times.
- Be prepared with a backup plan for gatherings that could involve heavy substance use.
- Have a support person ready to take a โrescue callโ from you.
- Keep in mind that you cannot change a brain disease, but you can change how you handle yourself in a given situation.
Sanford Behavioral Health and I wish you Gratitude, Acceptance, Peace, Hope, and a good recovery plan this Holiday Season!
If you or a loved one are struggling with addiction, eating disorders, or a mental health condition, donโt wait to change your life. Click the link below to speak with an admissions specialist about our programs.
