A 30-Year Law Enforcement Veteran on Suicide, Survival, and Speaking Up
Matt VanLiere speaks about suicide prevention, drawing on 30 years of experience.
September is Suicide Prevention Month. We have lost members of the law enforcement community in Michigan recently, and across the country, first responders continue to die by suicide. We need to talk about it. Not as administrators or statisticians. Not with another training slide or poster on the wall. We need to talk about it as people. There was a time in my life when I was deep in active addiction and genuinely did not care whether I woke up the next morning. I would sometimes daydream about going out in a “blaze of glory.” In my sick thinking at the time, I believed my family would receive recognition and maybe be proud of how I died. Now, as someone in recovery and the Executive Director of JOHN Veterans and First Responders Treatment Center, I know help and hope are available.
Suicide Prevention Month
Twice during my law enforcement career, things got even darker. That is not easy for me to write publicly. Consequently, I don’t share it for attention, sympathy, or recognition. I share it because somewhere, a police officer, deputy, corrections officer, dispatcher, firefighter, paramedic, or Veteran may read this and recognize themselves. If that’s you, please don’t give up. First responder addiction is real. Mental health struggles are real. Trauma is real. And importantly, the dark cloud of silence that comes with a career in law enforcement can become incredibly heavy. We’re trained to handle the call, control the scene, help everyone else, push things down, and get ready for the next one.
Eventually, some of us discover we can’t keep carrying everything alone. I couldn’t, but asking for help didn’t end my career or make me weak. It gave me the opportunity to still be here. Help exists with people who understand our culture. Treatment options exist specifically for first responders and Veterans. Recovery is possible, and a different life is possible. So, if you’re struggling, reach out. Talk to your partner, a friend, a peer, a clinician, a chaplain, someone in recovery, or someone you trust. You don’t need the right words. You just have to start the conversation.
Breaking the Silence
And for those of us who aren’t struggling right now, check on your people. Check on the strong one, the funny one, the one who always says they’re fine. Sometimes the person who appears to have everything under control is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Think about the courage this profession asks of us. We run toward gunfire and enter burning buildings. We walk into someone’s worst day because that’s what we signed up to do.
As Executive Director at JOHN Veterans and First Responders Treatment Center, I can tell you that your courage can be used to say, “I need help.” We must break the silence and the stigma. It has to be safe for a first responder to struggle, to say they’re not okay, and to ask for help without believing they’ve somehow failed. If you’re struggling right now, reach out. Please don’t convince yourself that you have to figure this out alone. Give someone the opportunity to walk beside you. Your story does not have to end on your worst day.
Not sure where to start? Call us 24/7 for information, admission to JOHN, or to talk. Our team will help you find the right care, even if it’s not with us!
