Excuses Veterans and First Responders Use to Avoid Treatment, Debunked
Matt VanLiere, therapy dog Hero, and JOHN Treatment Center – exclusively for Veterans and first responders.
At JOHN (Just One Hero Needed), we are used to getting the excuses Veterans and first responders give to avoid treatment. As an exclusive treatment center for Veterans and first responders, we receive calls after incidents occur and when individuals feel suicidal or fear the loss of their careers or relationships. Interestingly, we may talk to someone who is sitting in their agency’s head office, or who, after a final straw in a relationship, still has reasons they can’t take time for treatment. It helps that everyone who works at JOHN (Just One Hero Needed) has lived experience or strong connections to the military or first responder communities. In fact, JOHN’s Executive Director, Matthew VanLiere, has been through the decision-making process himself.
Matt says, “Speaking from my personal experience, when I went into treatment, I didn’t do it because I wanted to. I did it because I was told to. They said, ‘You do what you need to do, and if you don’t, we’ll do what we need to do.’ Reading between the lines, I knew that if I didn’t step up to the plate, my career was going to come to a grinding halt.”
Excuses Veterans and First Responders Use to Avoid Treatment, Debunked
Excuses? We’ve heard a few. Here are five of our “favorites” and answers given by Matt VanLiere.
1. “I don’t want my employer to know I have a problem”
Matt VanLiere: We have had clients who were active and did not want their employer to know they were in treatment. So, they took vacation time and hoped that people wouldn’t find out. However, for the most part, employers are aware of what’s going on. Every employer that I have worked with since we opened the doors at JOHN has been very supportive of their staff. I’ve even found that employers have helped encourage their staff to take time off to get the help they need. Or they may encourage a client to complete the recommended treatment duration if the client wants to leave early to return to work.
2. “I have to take care of my children, cat, puppy, relationship, gerbil, yardwork, home tasks, etc.”
Matt VanLiere: Yeah, we hear that often. Interestingly, the bigger barrier is having animals at home with no one to care for them. When we find a client saying they’ve got young kids at home or can’t leave their spouse or partner, the answer is pretty simple. Your family wants you to go to treatment. We pull the spouse right into the mix. Right away, we get, “Nope, it’s all good. My partner needs to go to treatment.”
If they are worried about leaving their children, we understand. When I went into treatment, that was one of the things I was worried about. I had a very young child at the time, and I was afraid they were going to take away my communication. But I learned that if you don’t get help, you may lose that family. After time in residential treatment, you can regain your life. You will have a better relationship with your children than if things keep going the way they’re going. And we can facilitate FaceTime meetings with your children. So if you need to say goodnight to them every night, we can make that happen. We’ll meet with your clinician and figure out some parameters that work for you. With only 20 people max in residence, we can be very individualized.
Comfortable beds and camaraderie.
3. “I’m okay. The incident was pretty bad, but I have it under control. I don’t need to go away to residential treatment.”
Matt VanLiere: When someone thinks their issues do not rise to a level of residential treatment, they often think they need to see a counselor once a week, or get a change in medication. We do have a full complement of treatment options, including virtual, partial day (IOP), and day treatment (PHP). However, if someone is experiencing PTSD, anxiety, substance misuse, or anger issues, higher levels of treatment may be necessary. If you can give time to treatment, you’re going to get so much more on the backside.
Clinical Director, Tessa Sterling, LMSW, LCSW, says, “Ultimately, when there’s repeated exposure to trauma, the body releases adrenaline and cortisol, and it doesn’t just sit there stagnant. It builds up in our bodies and our brains over time. If we don’t process these significant events, we start to see release in other ways that aren’t always safe, healthy, or adaptive. An example might be an increase in substance use.”
4. “I can’t afford to take time off work”
Matt VanLiere:Â How our clients take time off work for treatment depends on the circumstances. In my situation, I just took sick time, but often it is controlled by the employer. The employer will have parameters for how their staff uses their time-off credits. In our experience, sick time, workers’ comp, and vacation are most often used to get time off for treatment. We do have clients who are on suspension pending an investigation or have been terminated. Of course, insurance through your employer or spouse is used for payment. Veterans may have commercial insurance or a government plan, and we work through the details and timing with them. We are adept at working with Veterans who are in an acute suicidal crisis.
You don’t want to have to use your vacation time for treatment? My answer is that it will be worth it. Ask your family whether they are looking forward to vacationing with you. Wouldn’t they rather you get the help you need this year?
5. “I have a milestone, life event, vacation coming up.”
Matt VanLiere: There are responsibilities, particularly when it comes to young children, that necessitate active participation from parents. There may also be non-refundable tickets or specific obligations from the job. However, if you feel the need to reach out to a treatment center, your personal and professional relationships are already being impacted. Reflect on how much fulfillment you’re actually experiencing in your life. Our admissions specialists are always available to discuss treatment options and help you overcome any hesitations you might have.
What is the biggest challenge in asking for help?
Matt VanLiere:Â Oh man, the fear of losing your career and also having to admit that you are not the Superman or Superwoman that’s expected. When I speak about mental health for first responders and Veterans, we are a population that has always stepped up to help everybody else. And we carry those burdens, we carry those weights, and we carry those unseen wounds. We don’t talk about them because “we’re not supposed to.” We’re supposed to be able to handle it. And that bucket fills, and at some point that bucket tips over. As first responders and Veterans, we don’t think that’s going to happen to us. So we don’t step up to ask for help. We must break that stigma. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s safer to ask for help, but it’s a tough stigma to break.
At JOHN, to combat the stigma and get the conversation going, we use a combination of Sanford’s community outreach and admissions teams and me. I have participated in interventions with first responders and their employers. I’m on the phone working through the process and answering questions. Of course, our clients are throwing up barriers. We do our best to reduce the fear. Once again, having lived experience is beneficial in these calls. I go back in time and remember how it felt. I can say, “I did that, and this is how it worked for me.” In every scenario, we will talk with the caller for as long as it takes to help them understand the ramifications.
We offer free assessments to encourage individuals to seek help where they need it. And if a conversation by the JOHN team or me gets a first responder or Veteran to step into treatment, we’ve achieved that goal.
Thanks, Matt!
