The Impact of Addiction on Children Ages 10 and Older
Children over ten years old are expanding social contact outside their primary families.
This article is part two of a series on the impact of addiction on children. Part one (ages ten and younger) was published in July. Before reading this article, I recommend reviewing the first article by clicking the link below. In the Sanford Behavioral Health Family Program, we address the impact of addiction on children and how to talk to your children about addiction and recovery.
What is the Impact of Addiction on Children?
There are some similarities in interactions with children of all ages.
Information presented in the first article, 7’C’s, family patterns of interaction, and applying CRAFT to your interactions with your children and others in your home is positively impactful to older children as well. As a parent, you are the role model and example setter of acceptable behavior in your home. This fact is significant with older children, and they will challenge your behavior if you are not consistent in your behavior and expectations of them! Please keep in mind that the information in this article is being presented to assist parents in understanding their children’s experience and offer positive, hopeful solutions, not to raise anxiety or elevate shame or blame.
The Impact of Addiction on Children Ages 10 and Older
Children over ten years of age are expanding social contact outside their primary families. They are also more capable of reasoning and verbalizing their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Children of this age can notice differences between how their family functions and the functioning of their friend’s families. Older children start developing strong relationships outside their primary family, and this is when their social skills are tested. This is also the time when we see the challenges and deficits in their abilities to handle conflicts in relationships, mood management, and problem-solving.
The experience of any child living in a family with an active addiction will be as unique as they are. When we are dealing with children over ten years old, two significant differences impact this age group:
- The impact of cumulative exposure to addictive behaviors in their home.
- Developmental issues when building further independence from their primary family.
Children have been learning maladaptive coping styles, and they are branching out of the family with these skills. The identified substance user may be a parent or even a sibling who is older or younger than themselves. There will still be a negative impact on their socialization and poor coping skills as they step farther away from their primary family.
Research on Children of Addiction
In recent decades, research has focused on children living in families with active addiction and found common behavior problems. Here is what they have found:
- Bonding and attachment problems start at young ages.
- Poor emotional boundaries begin at young ages.
- Lack of assertiveness.
- Attraction to controlling, self-centered people in relationships.
- Lowered abilities to maintain and express their authentic self.
- Emotional dysregulation.
- Self-destructive behaviors.
- Trust issues.
- Poor relationship satisfaction.
The above summary of experiences came from the book Addiction in the Family by Virginia A. Kelly. Acknowledging that the above list is laden with psychological terms, look at some of the problem areas teens and pre-teens have reported:
- Learning problems from elementary through secondary grades.
- Elevated reports of difficulties and conflicts with peers in social and education settings.
- Being highly fearful of expressing thoughts or feelings.
- Choosing to engage with socially and emotionally selfish people.
- Socializing with the “wrong crowd” of friends, defiant type peers, acting out.
- Extreme outbursts of emotions.
- Substance use and other high-risk behaviors.
- Delinquent behaviors.
- Identifying themselves as depressed and anxious all the time.
- Saying they feel left out, don’t fit in, and are too shy.
- Lack of coping skills beyond acting out.
- Saying they have “low self-esteem.”
- Thoughts of suicide.
These reported symptoms of teens and pre-teens are disheartening to hear. Please remember that these reported feelings and experiences occurred when families did not seek support or assistance. A family can seek treatment for themselves, with or without their addicted member, and still improve their quality of life, satisfaction, and personal empowerment. Once the family breaks their cycle of control, shame, and denial with professional help, the substance-using loved one often willingly seeks treatment.
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES)
In the 1990s, Kaiser Permanente, an HMO in California, developed and conducted a research project that examined the life experiences of adults and members of their HMO who developed specific chronic diseases (e.g., chronic pain, severe arthritis, headaches, and migraines). This was called The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACES). I mention ACES because one of the identified adverse experiences of childhood was growing up in a home where addiction occurred. Growing up in a house where substance abuse was present also led to secondary adverse conditions like economic problems and social problems. Untreated, the consequences of growing up in a home where addictive disease is present can be a lifelong problem and negatively influence health as an adult.
Addiction is a disease that can negatively impact generations of a family. However, early intervention and treatment can positively impact a family for generations. Simple actions like learning and implementing CRAFT in your home have the power to improve the quality of life in your family and open the door to long-term treatment and recovery for the entire family. In our next article, we will focus on CRAFT and how to implement it in your homes.
Sanford Behavioral Health Family Program
Family members of all ages can be powerful allies in the recovery process. And while a person is in treatment, it is an excellent time to involve family members. During their loved one’s care, family members may begin to recognize behaviors and habits that have developed while trying to cope with addiction in the family. Family members will also receive support in shifting their focus to areas of their lives that may have become neglected. Sanford Behavioral Health has developed its family program by means of telehealth, to work with all family members. Our program gives loved ones the tools and resources they need to handle the inevitable bumps on the road to recovery.
If you or a loved one are struggling with addiction, eating disorders, or a mental health condition, don’t wait to change your life. Click the link below to speak with an admissions specialist about our programs.
