What is the Impact of Addiction on Children?
Children living in relationships with substance-misusing adults are uniquely impacted in their relationships with family.
At Sanford Behavioral Health, we treat adults with substance use disorders (SUDs). Part of client treatment is to educate and create informed support for the significant folks in their lives. Our clients can be young adults with siblings in their primary family, grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, friends, and partners; most have relationships with young children.
The Impact of Addiction on Children – Ages 10 and Younger
Our family education program discusses the overall impact of addictive disease on families and significant relationships. Children living in relationships with substance-misusing adults are uniquely impacted in their relationships with family. Those impacts vary depending on the age of the children when they are exposed to addictive behaviors and the extent and frequency of their exposure. Many family members who have attended Sanford Behavioral Health’s family education programs have asked specific questions about how children are negatively impacted by exposure to addictive diseases. This article will address impacts and interventions for children ten years or younger who are exposed to addiction-related behaviors. Children over ten years and teens will be addressed in a second article.
“I recommend this article to anyone concerned about children of any age growing up in a family with active addictive disease. No matter the current age of your children, I do recommend reading both articles concerning the impact of SUDs on children.” Carli Noffsinger, LMSW, CAADC
Addiction is a Family Disease
There are some general facts for readers to keep in mind as they review the presented material. Addiction is a family disease. Consequently, when the family is dealing with active addiction and has not yet sought professional support for itself, the family is organized around the person with the disease. The dynamics of family interaction center around controlling behaviors driven by shame and denial.
- The adults are attempting to control the addiction of the family member while trying to avoid their feelings of shame, anger, hurt, and helplessness.
- When adults do experience some of these unpleasant feelings, they often become overwhelmed and turn to denial or controlling behaviors.
- The family interaction patterns are out of balance when it comes to conflict management, emotional responsibility, relating to others outside the family, and balancing self-care and other care.
- The family’s adults are preoccupied with this dysfunctional pattern, and the children are watching their caregiving adultsย model dysfunctional behaviors.
- Due to these dynamics, children in a family experience confusion and inconsistency, self-doubt, a loss of a sense of safety, and eventually, a loss of trust.
- (Remember โThe Family Rulesโ by Claudia Black, PhD, โDonโt Talk, Donโt Trust, Donโt Feelโ) Therein lies a problem that has a negative impact on the children in the picture.
- Age, frequency of adult use, and behaviors experienced also impact children.
How Does This Information Make You Feel?
So, if you are an adult living in a family with untreated addiction, reading the previous words is likely to bring on strong feelings of shame and high levels of anxiety. It may be followed by sadness. This is very normal for the situation you are attempting to manage! Please take a deep breath and give yourself some grace, nurture, and understanding. You may likely need to perform these behaviors several times to stay grounded as you read the content of this article.
This information is being shared with you to assist you in understanding how your young children become impacted by addictive diseases. This is not to shame or blame you or the family member with a SUD. It is also to encourage you to seek professional help for yourself, even if your loved one will not seek professional help. Addiction is a brain disease, and no one person can ever control the disease process. Many family members have improved the quality of their family interactions and relationships by taking the first step and seeking professional help. This works even when the person with the SUD will not seek help. There is hope with professional intervention.
Behaviors in Young Children that Indicate Stress:
- Unexpected attention-seeking behaviors at unexpected times
- Changes in sleep patterns
- Changes in eating patterns
- Returning to behaving as though they were much younger
- Acting out with temper tantrums
- Over-reacting to loud noises
- Changes in toileting behaviors
- Hiding in odd places at odd times
- Problems with aggression or shyness
- Defiance
- New behaviors while playing and more conflict socially
This is not an exhaustive list, but it will give readers an idea of behaviors that might indicate a negative impact is occurring. Please keep in mind that as adult caregivers alter their interactional behaviors with more self-accountability, anxiety and stress behaviors related to interactions in the family will also improve.
Stages of Development
The stage of psychological/emotional development of a child is key to understanding their responses to addictive disease. Children under 9-10 years of age, as a rule, have concrete views of behavior. Something is either โgood or bad,โ and their thinking is somewhat โmagical.โย They are also impacted by the process of attachment to adult caregivers. No matter what occurs with those caregivers, the caregiver is always โgood.โ These combined dynamics of developmental issues and a family dealing with an addictive disease make for a delicate situation. Especially when attempting to explain addiction to a young child! These dynamics also lead to young people being vulnerable to the negative impacts of SUD.
Consider this old statement, โWe learn what we live, what we live, we practice, what we practice, we become.โย Our children are observers of our behavior. They watch our reactions and model what they are viewing. Their observations are seen through the lens of the childโs developmental perspective. So, when a young child in a family where there has been no professional assistance watches conflict between caregivers and family members, their perspective of good/bad and magical thinking gives meaning to that behavior.
A family without professional assistance is centered around controlling a memberโs behavior. They deny the reality of addiction and feel the dreadful impact of shame or avoidance of feeling shame. This unexplainable and confusing behavior in the family impacts the child. The family is demonstrating unpredictability and loss of consistent structure and has become more chaotic over time. The child or children under ten years of age are likely to start feeling confused about what is โgood or bad.โ They may experience thoughts such as, โWhat happened? Whatโs wrong with my family? Am I bad? I donโt like this, but this is my family, how come they can do that and I canโt?” Or, the person in the center of the familyโs control efforts comes home, and the child quickly goes to their room, outside, or announces, โI have a stomach ache.โ
The young child is also โmagicalโ in their thinking and builds fears from feeling uneasy due to frequent conflict or become more involved with fantasy stories to comfort themselves. The family that does not seek professional assistance to deal with addictive disease will decompensate further and children will escalate their self-doubt and have issues with healthy boundary formation. Very young children may have attachment issues with caregivers in families that do not seek professional assistance.
There is Help Available
There is help available to a family dealing with addictive disease! At Sanford Behavioral Health, our treatment approach includes education for all family members. Our Family Education Programs were created to include our clients’ loved ones during treatment and beyond. Family involvement is one of the essential components of healthy long-term supportย and recovery. Because of this, we provide these programs at no charge to our patients’ families.
As an adult with young children interacting with a family member with a SUD, an organization called Cornerstone has created the 7 Cโsย of Addiction. This is a method of talking about addiction with children I recommend.
- Acknowledge that children may feel like things arenโt right in the family.
- Find the correct time and place to speak with children.
- ย Attempt to compare addiction to another health condition that your child understands.
- Take time to prepare before your sit-down with your child.
- Plan time for questions but expect that your child may not have questions just yet.
- Make it clear to your child that you will listen to, or answer questions anytime and follow up in a few days to ask if they have any questions from your talk.
Consider making your intentions to talk to your child known to the family member with SUD. Particularly if you are or have been living under the same roof. Often, parents practice talking with their own therapist or support person. It is possible you may receive some unpleasant feedback your family member about your talk with your child. A personal therapist or support person can assist you to process this situation.
Here are the 7 Cโs:
- You did not cause the addiction.
- Addiction cannot be “controlled.”
- You cannot “cure” addiction.
- Take care of yourself.
- Communicate feelings.
- Make good choices.
- Celebrate yourself!
It will be important in assisting your child to live by these โrulesโ if you are demonstrating the 7Cโs yourself. Remember you are being watched and you want the quality of your life and your childโs life to improve in your home. Cornerstone also recommends that you model being honest, use feeling words, listen carefully to your child and be emotionally available to your child.
CRAFT, Community Reinforcement and Family Training is also a wonderful resource for families. CRAFT teaches skills for taking good care of yourself, skills to assist your loved ones to change their behavior and improves the quality of life in a family.ย It is helpful even if the person with a SUD does not enter treatment.ย CRAFT reduces stress and anxiety in a family by also reducing the sensations of shame and urges to deny. It helps a parent reduce the negative impact of addictive disease on themselves, their children and motivates a loved family member to seek treatment! This approach was developed by Robert J Meyers, PhD and Jane Ellen Smith, PhD.
Sanford Behavioral Health Family Program
Family members can be powerful allies in the recovery process. And while a person is in treatment, it is an excellent time to involve family members. During their loved one’s care, family members may begin to recognize behaviors and habits that have developed while trying to cope with addiction in the family. Family members will also receive support in shifting their focus to areas of their lives that may have become neglected.ย Sanford Behavioral Health has developed its family program by means ofย telehealth, to work with all family members. Our program gives family members the tools and resources they need to handle the inevitable bumps on the road to recovery.
If you or a loved one are struggling with addiction, eating disorders, or a mental health condition, donโt wait to change your life. Click the link below to speak with an admissions specialist about our programs.
