I’m an Expert on Cravings…
The wall of words…
I feel like Iโve become a bit of an expert on cravings. Itโs been hard not to, given I am an addict through-and-through and my brain likes to crave things…
How the Brain Craves…
After I quit booze I became very aware of how my brain craved. I spent many, many nights trying to fend off the huge desire to drink. Nowadays I no longer crave booze, but I have a very tricky relationship with sugar and other addictive foods (flour mostly) and my brain craves those things very strongly as well.
My cravings come at me as a big wall of words inside my head (in my own voice) trying to convince me to use.
The words go like this, โOMG I really want that stuff right nowโ or โMmmm that would be really yummyโ or โI would LOVE to have that right nowโ, โItโs no big dealโ, โEveryone has itโ, โI deserve itโ, โYum yum yummmmmmyโ, โBoy would I love to have some of that right nowโ, and so on and so forth.
But wait…
But wait – thatโs not all. Given that Iโm now fully awake to being an addict and am no longer blind to my cravings, I also have another voice in my head answering back. So the wall of words isnโt one sided. Itโs a fierce conversation that goes back and forth and back and forth, like this:
โOMG I really want that stuff right nowโ, โNo you donโt youโre just cravingโ, โYeah but mmmm that would be really yummy right nowโ, โYouโll feel like trash after you have itโ, โI donโt care I would really just LOVE to have that right nowโ, โIf you have it youโll just want more and more and moreโ, โBut itโs just a little – no big dealโ, โIt IS a big deal youโve been trying to avoid it – donโt go there nowโ, ย ย โBut everyone else has it why canโt Iโ, โBecause youโre an addict just resist youโll be fineโ, โBut I so deserve it Iโve had a hard dayโ, โSo have a bath or a cup of tea you donโt need that stuffโ, โOh but yum yum yummmmmmy it is sooooo goooooodโ, โShut up stupid craving brainโ, โOh boy would I love to have some of that right nowโ, โSHUT UP STUPID CRAVING BRAIN!!!โ.
It’s no big deal…
Locked in the Cravings Fight…
If you were to look at me while I was struggling with this fierce, internal dialogue you wouldnโt be able to see that Iโm locked in this fight. Youโd just see a woman lying on the bed watching telly, or a woman driving in her car to pick up the kids from school. You would have no idea that battle is raging on inside my head.
Sometimes this battle can go on non-stop for half an hour. Can you imagine being in a real conversation like this with another human being for half an hour? Itโd be crazy!
Itโs exhausting. Utterly exhausting and depressing.
I deserve it!!!
Stop the Noise!
So it makes sense why we keep using. Because the easiest, simplest way to stop the noise and the fight is to use. To give in and go have the stuff. Just say โenough!โ and use.
Instant sweet relief. Silence. The argument is over. The craving has gone. Peace. Like I said – it makes sense why we keep using. That sweet relief is so good.
Unfortunately, although it might appear on the surface to be the simplest way out, it is actually the most complicated and stupidest. Because the relief is only short lived. We have fed the beast. The craving will return. Again and again and again, the craving will return.
The only way to truly get rid of the craving – long term – is to ride it out. Surf it like a wave. Resist with every inch of your beingโฆ knowing, trusting, that it will eventually fade. If you can ride it out for long enough it will fade and die. If you do this – sit it out and let it fade without using – then the next craving will come back with a little less intensity. And so will the one after that. And the one after that.
Slowly but surely, if you donโt succumb and use, the cravings will get weaker until eventually they will stop altogether.
And that, my friends, is true long-term sweet relief. Freedom.
Itโs worth the effort.
