What are My Kids Thinking (About my Sobriety)?
I have so many โhow on earth could I be doing this if I was still boozingโ moments nowadays, but none more so than when Iโm driving my kids around in the evening to their activities.
My Three Sons…
This happens a lot given Iโve entered that phase of parenting when I seem to be mostly a personal chef and taxi driver. My three sons are currently aged 13, 11 and 8 – and theyโre all crazy busy with after school activities such as swim training, Scouts, drama, athletics, football and rugby.
I spend hours and hours sitting behind the steering wheel in my car – and sometimes itโs dark outside!
Driving at night still seems like a huge novelty to me, even after nearly 6 years of being sober. Itโs undoubtedly one of the most joyful aspects of sobriety – being able to drive myself and others any time of the day and night.
And it often leads me to think.. how could I be driving my sons right now at 8pm if I was still a boozer? How could I be doing this if I was still a โ5pm is wine oโclockโ drinker? Any drop-off or pick-up after 5pm would be dangerous for me.
How Would I Handle This?
Would I delay drinking? On the nights when the final pick-up is at 9pm thatโd be damn near impossible. I didnโt cope very well with alcohol free nightsโฆ.
Would I drive with wine already in my system? This seems more likely. Iโd probably have a rough limit at which I would let myself drink and still drive – two or so drinks. But this would be a blurry limit.. very blurry indeed. Shudder. Honestly it doesnโt bear thinking about. Iโm just so, so grateful that I quit drinking and donโt have to deal with this dilemma.
My kids arenโt fully aware of how Iโve changed things for them of course. They know that Iโm sober but they canโt relate this fact to how their lives are now. I doubt theyโve ever sat in the back of the car and thought โgreat that mum isnโt drinking any more or she couldnโt be driving me tonightโ. They donโt have any real concept of how different or bad things could be if I hadnโt gotten sober. Iโm not sure that they think about it too much at all to be honest.
Sobriety and Addiction are Not Taboo Subjects…
This isnโt because itโs a taboo subject in our household – far from it. Iโm very upfront about the reasons why I donโt drink. They know Mum doesnโt touch alcohol because she canโt control it (I told them, โWhen youโre an addict like me you canโt stop at just one. You want more and more so itโs best if I donโt touch it at allโ). They know Iโve written a book about getting sober and theyโve seen me in the media talking about alcohol and my recovery. Theyโre proud of me for that, but it isnโt something (as far as Iโm aware) that they think about for too long. One day they might read my book and know what a huge deal my getting sober was and what a massive impact it had on their childhoods, but until then itโs all rather casual in their minds.
I think thatโs a good thing. I think itโs great that they are growing up with an openly sober mum and therefore an understanding that alcohol has a dark side and it isnโt a harmless substance for everyone. This is their norm and itโs the truth so Iโm happy they know this (itโs not an understanding I ever had as a kid).
Theyโll become adults and make their own decisions – and who knows what those decisions might be – but at least for now I can be comfortable with the fact that Iโm bringing them up with an understanding of what impact alcohol can have, and that Iโm modelling happy and content alcohol-free living.
And that is the most powerful thing of all.
